The Unknown

I'm cautious, but impetuous. I think, and I think, and I think--then i just act. There really is no in between with me, but I feel that there should be. I wonder and worry about all of the possibilities of a situation, then, sometimes, I completely disregard everything that I've wondered and worried about. Why do I do all of that preliminary wondering and worrying if I'm just going to do something anyway? *shrugs shoulders* Your guess is about as good as mine. I do know why I wonder and worry though. I'm terrified of making mistakes. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this on here before, but I guess I'm about to go into greater detail now. I struggle with not knowing. I believe that God is the only omniscient being out there, and I don't envy him at all. However, I would like some inkling of what's to come. The unknown scares me. Last summer there was a week-long period when I was obsessed with death. I don't know how or why that happened, but it did. I've always been aware of death, of course, but for that week or so, it was like I had stumbled upon a train of thought that allowed me to let down my guard and actually consider death and all that it entails. There are always thoughts running through my head...so I wondered if I would be able to think when I'm dead. Wait, maybe I need to pause for a moment and make sure that everyone knows that I'm a Christian. Born and raised. And while it was spoon-fed to me, once I grew up and was able to make my own decisions and do my own research, I'm still a Christian. That being said, it was very strange for me to be wondering if I would know that I was dead...that wouldn't matter because all Christians believe in Heaven. Right? Eh, yeah. I guess my real confusion stemmed from the lack of a roadmap or a list of "things to come" for death. It's unknown to the living. So I don't know how long we "sleep" before we are judged...Anyway, I'll stop rambling on about death and get back to the unknown. It's frightening not knowing what's going to happen next or how one decision in the present may affect your life in the future. But I guess it's not as frightening as I think it is. If it were, I would live in a bubble. I would never make an important decision. I wouldn't really live. I guess at the end of the day, the reason why I "just act" is because I have no other choice. My fear of the unknown is not as great as my fear of wasting the precious life I have been given.