My Chocolate Prince Charming

So. I've been thinking. And I've come to the conclusion that he's not out there. The man of my dreams is just that: the man of my DREAMS. He doesn't exist. He's not out there looking for or waiting on me. And since he doesn't exist, I think it's time for me to grow up and forget about my Chocolate Prince Charming. Wow. It feels kinda good to admit that. I'm not giving up on finding the right person for me, but I am giving up on that total package that I always wanted. That total package being: religious, intelligent, sweet, funny, family oriented, tall, kinda muscular, killer smile, sensuous eyes, nice hair, drug and alcohol free, and with little to no foul language slipping from that sweet mouth. Yep. I know. I was BEYOND ambitious with all of that. But it's what I thought was my total package. It may be A total package, but I don't believe it's mine. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, I just took a look at my track record with guys, and by golly (yeah, I just said by golly) none of those guys came close. Either I've been settling, or what I THOUGHT was my total package was no such thing. As you can tell, I'm leaning towards that last option.....cus honestly, there's no way in the world that I could possibly say that I've settled (ok, so I know my female friends have someone in mind that they would say I settled for...that's not nice yall). I have been blessed to have had some downright GOOD MEN in my life....If they're so good, then why am I single, you ask? Well, just because they're GOOD, doesn't mean they're good for ME (at least that's what I tell myself).....And this train of thought didn't pop into my head randomly (although I am quite a random person). Bianca and I were chatting and she pointed out some simalarities between some of the males who used to be in my life....I had to agree with her. However, the one thing that I think separates them from each other is that all the qualities they have in common are improved upon in the next person......yep......my judgment gets better and better......

Yep....

So I've been gone for a minute. And this definitely isn't how I expected to return....but it can't be helped. So I was talking to a friend of mine just a minute ago.....he's pretty cool: laid back, funny (hilarious actually), intelligent, sweet, motivated, and, well, cool......anyway, he's always said that he doesn't trust females, and I believed him, but I didn't know just how much he doesn't trust us. After a convo on the love black women have for black men, we started talking about relationships in general (kinda sorta). And I realized just how much he distrusts women.....and I cried (for a couple of reasons). Yeah, a little dramatic, but I can't even describe how shocked I was by how much he's been hurt by women. I was speechless (and we ALL know I like to talk). We tend to have the mindset that men do all the hurting, but sadly, we women are more than capable of hurting men. I always get so frustrated when I learn that the reason why a guy has become a dog is because of a female. First, I'm frustrated that another woman has treated a guy so badly that he doesn't think love or a relationship is even worth the pain. Second, I'm frustrated that it seems like the guy is just giving up. That's the difference between men and women: most women don't give up on love....Oh we SAY we do, but we don't. My friends will remember that from about October 2007 to February 2008, I couldn't stand the thought of the word love. I hated love songs, and even started re-writing a couple of them to say some pretty "interesting" things. But I never really gave up on love. I still hoped that it was all worth it. I still believed that love would come through for me. I wish my friend believed that....The main point of this was to just kinda remind everyone that your actions change people's lives and outlooks.....be careful what you do........