Growth

The last week of classes I was asked if I felt I had changed as a person throughout the course of this year. That question really caught me off guard. It was so random, and if I (the QUEEN of randomness) say it's random, it's RANDOM. I was cleaning my dorm room and I actually stopped moving to think about that. This past year has been one of the most emotionally and mentally trying years of my academic career; and it was only year two. I had a professor that was either attempting to push me to academic greatness or trying to make me commit academic suicide. I had too much homework/reading and not enough time to do it in. And I was trying to get adjusted to actually having to do work for once. Academically, I would give myself a high B for the year as a whole. Now, personal growth is a little different. Before I could even begin to think about that, I asked my friend if he felt that he had grown over the year. He gave me an answer that is very typical of him: vague, but alludes to something deep and important. That's just him. He then asked me again...And I was divided on my growth.

On one hand, I feel that my youthful passion has simmered down. I don't get as upset about things as I used to. I've learned that sitting quietly says a whole lot more than screaming and waving your arms. I have also discovered that patience is truly a virtue. I'm nowhere near as patient as I should and need to be, but I'm making progress. There are other personal areas that I've grown in, but I feel that they all tie into what I just mentioned, so I won't comment on them right now.

Now, on the other hand, I still have the ideals that really need to go. I'm so STIFF. I love to have fun and live in the moment. But I overanalyze things. And I worry when things don't turn out as I planned or how I feel they should. It's like I'm mentally rigid; constantly trying to make progress, but continuing to stand in the same spot because the motions of progress are too difficult for me to master. I don't know why I'm so mentally rigid when it comes to my personal life because I'm mentally fluid academically. I can accept concepts, ideas, definitions, and facts all the same....Maybe I'm so accepting in an academic setting because I'm being taught what someone else has tried and found to be true. Hmm....sounds like I need to take a philosophy course so I can be forced to generate my own concepts, ideas, definitions, and facts.

Anyway, I didn't tell him all of that. I think I said something about growing to understand people better and learning how to be me. IDK. I guess I'm good at giving vague answers that allude to deep and important things about me, too.