Update

It's been awhile since I've blogged, and my creative juices are already out of breath and I haven't really started yet! Anyway, I've decided to take a VERY brief hiatus from most of my friends. Not really a big deal. I just want some time to think about a few situations and the actions I should take in them. (SIGH) I've let so many things go unchecked for so long...like my feelings, how other people treat me, and how I treat other people. I can't do this anymore. Classes begin soon and with my course load, job, and extracurriculars, I'll be lucky if I can sneak in my typical 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night (I know it's not healthy, I'll try to do better). So the last thing I need is for my personal life to continue to be as screwed up as it has been. Some things can't be helped though.......

Like how people treat me. There are two people in particular that I really just want to go away. Seriously, I envision pushing them over a cliff and walking away smiling, dusting my hands off, and mentally patting myself on the back for a job well done! Well, maybe I don't actually want to send them to their deaths, but I do wish they would either put up or shut up so to speak. I mean really, how hard is it to decide whether you want to be in someone's life or not? Especially when you've had months to consider it.....I'm not even sure that I care what the answer is.....maybe that's because the answer is obvious. Hmm....I'm not really tired of waiting (I can be patient when absolutely necessary, you know, like when waiting for Christmas), it's more that I'm tired of the wishy-washiness. Come on people. Be honest with yourselves. Then you can be honest with me. This constant back and forth is not necessary, and it's emotionally draining (I use that phrase a lot...).

Wait, there goes the undecided calling the indecisive wishy-washy. Yep, there are some things going on with me that I can only attribute to a certain amount of wishy-washiness on my part. (sigh) Michelle asserts that it's not wishy-washiness, Mimi is screamin "UH HUH!!!".....The problem is that my feelings won't let me stick to my word. I know that my first decision is the right one; no matter what my feelings are. It's one of those "I'm doing it for the greater good" type of things. And no matter what the other party in this situation feels, they know that I'm right about this. Now we both just have to stick to it. Typically, I don't like moving backwards either, but it may be necessary......but I'm not sure it's possible. UGGH! I know I just reaffirmed my decision, so why am I already trying to find ways to get out of it??? Maybe boundaries should be drawn....NOPE. Crossing boundaries and testing limits is something I'm good at (see one of my previous posts) so that wouldn't work. Maybe this issue will resolve itself.....Don't you just love the land of Delusion that I live in?!